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How Do I Overcome the Pain of Infidelity? Causes, Prevention and Healing

Dr. Naser Alfuraih ⏱ 5 min read Published 8 Feb 2018
How Do I Overcome the Pain of Infidelity? Causes, Prevention and Healing
Statistics indicate that about 50% of couples experience infidelity at some stage of their lives, when one spouse breaks the marriage vows of love, honesty and loyalty. What is the reason behind infidelity? And what are the best ways to avoid it, and the best ways to get past it?

Causes of Infidelity

The causes of marital infidelity vary and are many, yet there are some common factors that can lead to it. Neglect of the husband or wife, and a focus on caring for the children, is one of the causes that result in the absence of marital happiness, leading to an emotional instability that pushes a spouse to look for affection outside the framework of marriage. So couples should take care to strengthen their relationship and give it priority from time to time. In some cases, spouses begin neglecting one another, overlooking occasions, the exchange of gifts and kind words. Unfortunately, all of these things contribute to increasing the likelihood of falling into the trap of marital infidelity. Hence, spouses must make more effort to spend time together, do enjoyable things and exchange small, symbolic gifts.

How Can a Marriage Be Protected Against Infidelity?

To fortify the marital relationship and protect it from the risk of infidelity, we offer 5 tips that can keep the specter of betrayal away from your life together.
  1. Keep the marital relationship private, and do not expose its secrets or share them with many people.
  2. Recognize that work is a danger zone for many couples, so it is advisable not to go out for coffee or lunch alone with someone from work.
  3. Avoid helping people with whom you once had a relationship and who come running to you in tears.
  4. Protect the marriage by discussing private matters at home. And if you truly need to consult a third party, make sure it is someone who supports your marriage.
  5. Do not overindulge in time on social media pages and in communicating with new people or old friends.

But If Infidelity Happens for Any Reason, What Is the Way Out of This Problem?

Many people think that being open with the partner about the problem will lead to more confusion and distress, but the opposite is true. Discussing the matter is the best way to restore trust and intimacy. It is important that the couple not skip the stage of repair. Time and patience are essential for gathering the pieces of the relationship and discussing how things develop until a stage of understanding is reached. Understanding leads to forgiveness, which is what the couple needs to draw close to one another again. It is worth noting that there is a big difference between "infidelity that is disclosed" and "infidelity that is discovered." It is better to tell the partner about the affair than to let them find out on their own or by chance. In both cases, it is natural for the person who has been betrayed to be given enough time to get past what happened to them. The betrayed person may demand to know all the details of the affair and how it developed to reach what it became. Hence, the spouse must answer all the questions asked, even if the questions are repeated again and again. The best way to get past infidelity is tied to the amount of remorse the person shows for what happened, and to expressing this remorse both in words and in deeds.

To Ensure Healing from Infidelity and Moving Past It, Specialists Advise Taking the Following Steps:

  1. The person who committed the infidelity must cut off any relationship with the third party. This helps recreate a safe environment for healing and trust.
  2. Commit to honesty and communication, even if it is uncomfortable.
  3. Allow enough time for healing and believe in the possibility of mending the relationship. Like it or not, 70% of couples choose to stay together and try to repair the relationship even when it involved infidelity.
Healing from the affair can strengthen the bonds of the relationship, if the couple are ready to do everything needed to put things right. Couples often get past infidelity and their relationship becomes stronger. Rebuilding bridges of trust demands a great deal of care, attention, consideration and love from both spouses.

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