- A wife may play a role in a man's move toward another relationship, yet a husband also has motives of his own, separate from how his wife treats him.
- Financial pressure sometimes drives a man to escape from the home and his wife, and to seek his rights to sex or the affection of another woman elsewhere.
- In most cases a man looks for a way to satisfy his needs, and the easier the means become, the less difficulty he finds in trying them.
- Because circumstances are easy and means of communication are widespread, there are reasons why some men fail in family relationships.
- If the man is committed and looks for an outlet, he enters a secret relationship in a religiously lawful but undisclosed way; if he does not care about fixed principles, he builds multiple relationships to meet his needs.
Specialists have summarized the disputes under the following causes
- Differences in personality, and differences in upbringing and in the spouses' environments, lead a man to look for something similar to him and in agreement with him.
- A man may look for a woman for his own sake, not because he is a husband and the father of his wife's children.
- A man looks for a woman who loves him and attaches herself to his emotions.
- Dr. John Gray said that a man plans while a woman guides, that performance differs, and that communication weakens.
- A man also prefers to avoid confrontation, while a woman prefers it, and because of the woman's insistence he turns to someone who is under no obligation to him and who does not criticize him.
- A man's most important need in his relationship with a woman is that she care about his presence; contrary to this need, his wife attacks him for falling short in not being present, instead of showing personal care for him.
- A man also needs acceptance, and he finds acceptance from a woman who does not demand other household duties or responsibilities of him.
- A man also prefers a wider margin of freedom in decision-making, while a woman presses for the details of his life, so his freedom from restrictions shrinks and he finds freedom outside his wife's home.
- A man also needs to feel that he comes first, before anyone else, and because the other woman gives him constant attention, he becomes attached to her.
- By nature, a man tends to give love that benefits him, and unless he is motivated to do so he will not give it; the other woman gives him the motivation, so he turns to her.
- A man escapes from pressure into an emotional relationship, getting what he asks for from his own experience in that relationship.
- Studies have shown that communication and the expression of one's personality are a man's main demand after sex; in proportion to his need, he makes sex a complement to the relationship, and emotional passion moves him faster than it does a woman. Since the other woman frees him from pressure, he resorts to her.
Differences in concepts and in the spouses' language lead a man to look for someone who agrees with him and responds to him, and because a woman who attaches herself to him and responds to his requests seems to him to be compatible with him.
Among the most important causes too is a man's need for personal appreciation; a wife takes her husband's fulfillment of his responsibilities for granted, and he looks for appreciation of himself because he performs his duties.
A man inclines toward other needs from a woman that his wife does not provide, such as his need for the care a mother gives, a fondness for lingering in certain stages, and a sense that he needs a sister; he prefers to talk with his friend because the friend listens. If a woman fills these four roles, her husband becomes attached to her.
A man stops wanting variety in relationships if his wife provides him with all of the above roles and takes care of him like a pampered child.
A woman also embraces a man who can vary his personality, and he prefers her to the traditional woman.
A man values his wife's responsiveness to his requirements and her carrying out his instructions; the first response matters most, even if she disagrees afterward.
A woman can address infidelity if she begins first by easing the pressure on herself and freeing herself from feelings of anger
And jealousy offers the appropriate remedy:
- If she confronts him and leads the husband toward separation, he will either agree to step back out of fear for his relationship with her or for the family, by holding back his priorities.
- He may change his approach to the relationship from open to secret, and if his romantic relationship is going well, it is impossible for him to give it up.
- If she first works on her own conduct and on embracing him, it changes how he deals with her and draws him closer to her; the more he is drawn to her, the further he moves from the other woman. And if his relationships are many, he tires of estrangement and gradually cuts back until he ends his relationships.
- A wife's withdrawal from the home will not change the outside reality; he may grow accustomed to her absence, or prefer to challenge her by marrying again, or turn the relationship into a secret one.
- When a woman works on her conduct, it provides things that give her comfort, and as the man's relationship with her prevails over his relationship with the other woman, the relationship is adjusted and the spouses settle.
- If a woman fills a man's life, he looks less outside the home.
- A man tires of a demanding, complaining woman; he either suppresses his feelings or becomes bold and looks for a substitute, such as a wife or a mistress, as an outlet.
